Thursday, 21 January 2010

A kind (of) giving

Sometimes, we need to be kind to ourselves, and have a little (or a lot of!) patience.

If you're anything like me, then you will be alot better at showing kindness and patience to others, than you are at showing them to yourself!

Deep breath... here's the fruit ... or is it just a seed at this stage?... of my Thursday morning (not terribley well photographed it has to be said!)

What is it?... Well, it's a tentative sketch, (graphite, oil and turp's) exploring how the light falls on a surface, and the movement (moment?) that follows. That's been on my mind alot lately.

Of course - of course! - it isn't finished yet. I don't know if it will get finished. Or, if it does get finished, what it will become. But it's a start! And that's what I needed. And I've decided to treat it as though somebody else started it. That way, I can be kinder about it, if need's be.

In a certain sense, it being the work of somebody else, is not so far from the truth.

Three years ago, I got sick... very sick. Now, I have a condition known as CIDP (Chronic Inflammatory Demyelinating Polyneuropathy). More recent medical tests revealed that I also have megabolistic aneamia (that's at the level of bone-marrow) and have suffered a deep brain stroke (lacunar infarction), which has apparently left a sizeable void in the old grey matter!

This little lot plays daily havoc in different areas of my life. Everything from speach to typing to walking (although, I'm very pleased to say that I've not been falling flat on my face this past year!) and, it would seem, it also effects certain creative activities, like... you guessed it!... painting and drawing!

It's going to take a while to stroke those neurons back into shape, if that's even possible now. It might be. I know that the skills I had are still in there somewhere, it's just a hell of alot harder to reach them, now that the bridge is down! ;}

Speaking of Neurons... if you haven't already, then take a close look at this amazingly skilled piece of cloth making - it's one of my very favorites - by blogging friend (and rapidly becoming stitch mentor) Arlee Barr, who I keep coming back to here and who is on the verge of opening her store Fyberspace. I'm sure that everyone out there in blogland joins me in wishing Arlee very great success with her new venture. I feel certain that it's going to be a big hit!!!


arlee said...

Thanks for the shout C :} I have neuron problems in the form of depression, so am somewhat familiar with the vasty spaces of the head not working right all the time. Do what you can and love what you can do.

Catherine V. Bainbridge said...

Thanks for sharing that information :) I know I'm very lucky to not suffer from depression... but for a quite a while was having paranoid episodes, which was plain scary. I do love what I do... or at least, I love doing it! And something related... someone I know recently wrote on FB "It's not about getting what you want, it's about wanting what you have". Brilliant! And when I read that, I really knew how blessed I am, because I want it all... yes, even the gaping holes ;}

Sandra said...

I recognize a lot in your words: being ill,being kinder to others than yourself etc. Thanks for being so open about it. I think your sketch is very beautiful.

Catherine V. Bainbridge said...

Thanks for your lovely comments. Are you ill too? I'm always very open about this stuff, I guess because it's become such a significant part of my daily life... how could I not be. I've learnt alot from the experience. Although it's not what I would have chosen to have happen, there's actually been alot of very positive stuff to have come out of it. And maybe others can gain something by sharing it, no?

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